so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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