I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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