I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
