Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
