Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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