Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
