Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
