a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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