fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
