She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
