Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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