Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
