i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
