i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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