he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
