Please, let me fuck your mom
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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