I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
