Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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