no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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