Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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