I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
