I heard we made out
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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