Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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