I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
