I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
All I want is dick and wine.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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