Yo dont text me then not text me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
