Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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