he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
