can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How does one acquire holy water?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
