She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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