before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
