Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
