I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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