Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
