hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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