Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
