In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
