Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize