You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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