I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to jail i love you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
