You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
