Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It all started with a game of naked twister.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
