Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
