I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
