I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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