ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
