Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would fuck him just for his dog
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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