McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
