Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
