i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
