I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
