Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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