Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
