Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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