i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
