If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
