Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
